Wednesday, May 31

Night Song

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Dance with me among the stars
so high up in the sky.
Join with me; a kindred soul
that finally learned to fly.
Feel the liquid moonlight as
it wafts across your wings,
And listen to the starsong
that through the heavens ring.

MoonFlight~~ Fletcher

I was talking to Fletcher the other evening and he said this amazing thing to me. His words struck a cord of longing that I cannot seem to satisfy. Some part of him understands this need that I have to transcend the physical and deliver myself, heart, soul, and mind; unbound, and as pure as liquid into the mouth of my love.

When you drink with someone, or "share water", it is an act of sharing yourself with that person so thoroughly that you become that person. You understand them as well as you understand yourself, and they you. Your spirits merge. You 'grok' them thoroughly. The concept is from Robert A. Heinlein's novel,'Stranger in a Strange Land'

In this world of chaotic relationships and untenable distance isn't that all that we wish for? For that moment when the joining of spirit, mind and body overwhelm and we are unable to tell where we end and our lover begins. Until we are no longer individuals, but gestalt, inseparable, and lost within each other.

Monday, May 29


Musical Monday

In every new touch there is the memory of another touch left behind. How can one's skin not remember the first time it was possessed entirely by a sang-froid finger brushing against it: precise, unintended, erotic, scarring? That first touch has burned and seared itself into the memory; a willful branding, begged for silently in a moment of passion.

Every new touch contains its own stigma: fear. The fear that it cannot be unfelt; it can never be undone. That on nights long and dark, the touch will rise once more and force back into memory that which can no longer be had. A certainty that no other touch will ever feel as good. And that the feeling cannot be sustained. In the end, this memory of touch will be all there is, and there is some part of the soul that knows it will be left emptier for ever having felt it.

And the mind begs the body to turn away, to save itself. But the body knows no sensibilty, only sensuality. It begs to be branded, just so. Possessed.

Thursday, May 25

HNT Traveling

I dipped my toes into the tide and felt the strength of the undertow. Something I have not felt in years. I stood and watched the water rise up over my feet and pull the grains away, my feet sinking further into the sand as Poseidon called the smallest of his wayward children back to far off adventures. I breathed deeply and the smell of the sea wrapped itself in and around me, became a part of my being as it had been in years past.

We arrived in Savannah under the brightest full moon I have ever seen. It loomed huge and heavy over the treetops, then ascending and forming a double moon, one in the heavens and one rippling on the waters below. It dared to rival the sun as it shone down on me, leaving a midnight shadow on the ground beneath my feet. It seemed as if it had come there, in that splendor, on that night, just to welcome my arrival. Its brilliance enough to make it difficult to discern the lights of the little bar on the pier, but I was quite aware of the music that was emanating from the speakers above.

Wild Horses by the Rolling Stones.
I was in Paradise.

I stood there thinking to myself, this moment I must remember, this very second, with the sand between my toes and the cold froth hitting my ankles-- as the moon climbed higher and the tide answered with enthusiasm. Stars barely visible as they failed to compete with the moon, a brave few twinkled softly as the wind blew through my hair.

And then 'Into the Mystic' by Van Morrison came over the speakers. I kid you not! It really did! Someone must have known I was coming because it is, as I have written so many times before, my favorite. I was beside myself in ecstacy.

I called A excitedly.
"Guess where I am?"
"At the beach!"
We both started screaming like little girls.
"I'm at the beach"
"You are! You're at the beach!"
"And I have my feet in the ocean!"
"Oh my God! You have your feet in the ocean!"
Then quieter...
"I'm so happy for you honey. I know how much you've missed the coast."
"God, I feel like I just came home. It even smells like the ocean!"
"Well, what did you think it was going to smell like?"
"I don't know, maybe like disappointment. Like it wouldn't be as wonderful as I remember, but it is. It is absolutely wonderful."
"I'm not surprised, that's where your heart is. I miss the ocean too."
"We'll go together next time!"
"We'll go to the beach!"
"Oh hell yeah!"
"It's going to be so much fun!"
"Have fun sweetheart."
"I miss you."
"I miss you too."

The next day we stayed at the beach on Tybee and then we hit downtown Savannah, visiting the cemetary and the pubs and restaurants along Riverside. Who ever would have thought that Heaven was only four hours away and I never knew?

This summer A and I will see it together, just as I wished on that first night as I stood with my feet in the ocean.

I did bring back gifts though.

For Lumivox...
Kevin Barry's Authentic Irish Pub on the Riverfront.
Thanks so much for the recommend. We had a blast there.
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And for Denny...
A stop off in his classic dining car diner.
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Happy HNT everyone!
Next week is gravestones and Spanish Moss...
it just gets better!

Visit the man who started it all.

Saturday, May 20


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I believe that each lifetime we experience in this corporeal form is part of something larger, and I believe the universe guides us to join with the souls we are meant to know, to prepare us, to allow us to grow – so we can create, so we can feel, so we can learn, so we can love. So this ‘thing’ which we cannot see, yet can feel so deeply and so passionately, is our greater purpose. To connect and to love.
The Lazy Geisha
Connection part x

I've been reading Nina's blog and pondering this need of connection.
She has written a 10 part series on connection that has affected me so much.
I think that if I were to sum up every thing that I have come to realize through her writing it is this 'the universe guides us to join with the souls we are meant to know'.

This simple, yet subsuming, thought encompasses so many of my own relationships. Be they fleeting or long lived, deep or shallow, whether they ended badly or continue to thrive and grow, each one has touched me in some way. That connection that the heart craves, that touch that the body responds to in ways unexpected and wrenching.

I think back to the greatest kiss I ever received. It was at the Marble Bar. I was 18. He was just a friend, a friend of a friend really. We were drinking shots and laughing when he took my face in his hands and kissed me. I didn't really react, just hung suspended as his lips moved against mine, parting my lips and kissing me through to my soul. It was like fire. I felt it melt through my entire body.

It was a kiss that was never meant to be. It just happened and when it was over I was surprised at myself, that I hadn't pulled away, that I had simply let it happen. Afterwards we both slowly opened our eyes, some look of wonder passed between us. Some desire to repeat it, yet we did not. It never went any further than that single kiss.

And yet the memory of it has never left me.

This was never meant to be a relationship, just a momentary connection, the beauty and depth of that one incredible moment seared into memory and held there like a treasure, a gift, amorphous and fragile. And yet so powerful. Unforgettable.

These small connections are what holds us together amidst the chaos. This is what we all strive for. That moment of bliss, of ecstacy, that two people share within themselves. It is solitary and universal. And all the more powerful when shared.

That single kiss, a hand brushing against my cheek, words whispered in my ear for me to hear, alone, connected, transcending everything around me. These things I can remember vividly. Each memory like a tress in a locket, put there for safe keeping that they should never be forgotten.

Thursday, May 18

HNT - Anniversary!

"All the choir of heaven and furniture of earth - in a word, all those bodies which compose the mighty frame of the world - have not any subsistence without a mind."
-George Berkeley, Principles of Human Knowledge.

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This has been my most visited HNT - Black Lace

And so I have travelled through the annuls of HNT history and the one true consistancy that I have found has been that every one of these entries has been made with much thought, much consideration of the effect it will have on the author and on the community as a whole.

I have watched people attempt ground-breaking and incredible acts of creativity, I have seen them showing their children, their pets, the loves of their lives, as well as themselves, in beautiful pictures portraying their own vulnerability and wonderful humanity. I have been able to show them love through their most difficult times. I have been able to applaud their acts of bravery as well as laugh at the incredible humor that they have gifted me with.

And I am touched by the words of encouragement and support I have received.
Here and here particularly.

What a lovely thing to know that strangers will come by just to see what surprise you have planned for them! Until they are no longer strangers, but friends that you share a common bond with.

Thank you Osbasso for making the world wide web just a little smaller and for making it feel more like family.

Happy One Year HNT!
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Heres to many more!

Sorry, no confetti, just big HNT kisses!

Thursday, May 11

HNT - Packing

I'm sorry I'm so late with my HNT.
But I'm packing my bags for a trip here.
I think? So far that's the plan - to leave with no plan.
To go where my heart takes me and just enjoy the adventure.
No hotel reservation. No itinerary.
I know the ocean is waiting for me.
The rest will just be road trip fun!
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Hopefully I'll have some great pictures to share from the adventure.
Happy HNT all!

The man who started all of the HNT madness.

PS. There is great music one post down.
I'll leave it for your listening pleasure while I am away.
Please give Lumivox a big HNT welcome to the blogworld.
(Maybe we can convince him to post his boobs?)
We owe it to ourselves to try!

Monday, May 8

She Walked Away

Welcome to Musical Monday, brought to you by wdkylondon.
Today I would like to take this opportunity to introduce you to a new blogger. A great musician and talented lyricist, not to mention that he has an incredible voice. I hope you enjoy his music as much as I do.

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SHE WALKED AWAY <-- Opens mp3--Much better quality than Castpost.

I walked the halls, colours looming, large and imposing. My footsteps ringing on the stone floors as I made my way from one room to the next. My mind lost in another time. A time when I made this same journey, but not alone.

She turned and walked away
And left him standing there
With a taste in his mouth.

A little sweet, a trace of lime--
Once so familiar but a little strange this time,
A little strange this time.

And a thought of coolness falling,
Of his fingers; of her hair.
Of something fragile missing--
he can sense it isn't there

And in this place of echoes, where the past cannot die, for it is held, frozen in time, I listened as the past whispered morosely in my ear.

I heard my own laughter and felt gooseflesh rise at the memory of his fingers in my hair. I could smell him on me still. The way he smelled on that last day. I could feel his lips upon mine, the soft seeking tongue, that circled my lips before diving deeper, until it seemed to touch my very soul, suffocating. Intoxicating. I had to melt into him. I had to give him all of me in that moment, knowing that this would be the last of us.

He feels the thread grow weaker
A shadow falls between
He lifts his eyes to see what happened.

But above there's only sky
Just a hint of lead
Just the dawning thought that longing can turn to dread.

These rooms, with their stone faces and fractured moonlight, were the perfect tomb for what could not sustain itself beyond its time. Within these walls love's broken promises were laid to rest, a necropolis of hope, under each shroud lie hidden the dreams we had shared, the bones of what could have been. A relic amongst the relics.

She turned and walked away
And she seems to fade
He can feel himself forgetting

The museum, the parking lot
That dress she liked to wear
The coolness falling through his fingers tangled in her hair

A woman once walked in under the austere facade, sure of herself, sure that this was the end. The last of the small deaths that would finally defy resurrection. And now a shadow traces those same footsteps, not quite so sure, for time has proven that the flesh will remember. Regardless of the mind's conviction to suppress.

What can he say?
What should he feel?
She walked away,
He hopes it's not real.

What can he say?
What should he do?
She walked away,
He'll walk away too.

Is this the way of it then? That every place we have ever been, every view we have ever shared will retain some piece of you that I can't forget? Will I carry you forever within me? My second soul?

Happy Musical Monday everyone.
And welcome to the blogosphere Lumivox.

Friday, May 5

Finding Faith

An Arundel Tomb
Time has transfigured them into
Untruth. The stone finality
They hardly meant has come to be
Their final blazon, and to prove
Our almost-instinct almost true:
What will survive of us is love.

-- Philip Larkin

Today seems like a good day for a rant.
I have spoken with friends many times about my religious views. Well, my views on religion anyway. I don't talk about religion here much, but I do from time to time talk about the religious. The hypocrisy of the religious to be more exact.

I have spent so much time studying my own religious views, looking for that thing that restores faith and brings one back into the 'fold' as it were. It never fails that in my searching I find myself face to face with the worst hypocrits I have ever seen. And always they lurk behind a Bible, ranting on the sins of others and not accepting their own sinful nature.

I'll throw a few things out there.
*Not saying that all religious people or any one particular religion is guilty of these things, just something I am finding more and more on my journey.

1) Ugly wom&n with no s&x drive are always accusing attractive women of being imm0ral and unintelligent. They use the Bible to show how they are too *moral* to present themselves as s&xu@l beings, when the truth is they are really just jealous and frigid. Afraid that if hubby lifts his head out of the good book for two minutes he might realize that there are h()t ch!cks out there and dump your frumpy @ss. My advice: Put down the fried chicken, go get a thigh master, and get yourself together! Then you won't have to hate everyone who might turn your husband's head. And the Bible is not going to make you pretty. You can pray on it day and night and it just isn't going to happen. Try Estee Lauder Night Renewal. It beats Corinthians any day for nice skin.

2) Being an Atheist does not mean being imm0ral. I know that most of the Bible thumpers out there would disagree, but you can have a good life, raise well-balanced, healthy children, have a great career and get a good education without believing in God. I have plenty of atheist friends and they are all very good, kind people. If my atheist friends prayed they would pray for the zealot's souls. I'm sure the reverse is not true. So much easier to condemn than to I try to uplift. I try to see the zealot's point of view. Really I do. Then I promptly throw-up. Most of them are just despicable in the way they treat and talk about others.

There is this thing called 'works'.
You should try it sometime.

3) G@y is g@y. I have a friend who is trying to become un-g@y. He is driving me nuts! People in his church have convinced him that his g@yness is a sin and he should try to 'reform' himself. I find this absolutely absurd and appalling. I tell him 'I love you the way you are. I don't want you to change for some people who are probably miserable with their own lives.' Watching p@rn then criticizing young girls for wearing low-riders, sl&&ping with the babysitter, saying their prayers with their children as they tuck them in then sneaking out to have an @ff@ir, like some M@ry M@gdalen character in a totally f*cked episode of 'Desper@ate Housew$ves. Please just be who you are. That's what I love about you.

I used these stupid symbols to show the hypocrisy of these people; "I can use these words, but I won't really write them because that would be like... like... using them. See how clever I am? See how I can get around really practicing what I preach? I found the Jesus L**ph*le! I am so cool!" (We call this the Jocelyn Loophole.)
If you're going to use curse words just do it. Believe me. God knows an awful lot, and I'm sure God is quite aware that those are curse words. You can't hide your cursing from God with stupid symbols, nor your hypocrisy.

So tell me, if you believe in God... will your God love you more for
worshipping him and being a hypocrite, than if you were an atheist who lives well and treats others well? Is that what your God says? Worship me, and all is forgiven--but live well and call your god Shiva or Yehovah or Allah and you're doomed?

Religion is fine if it helps you personally to be a better human being. But if your religion tells you that the only way to be a good person is to be a member of a specfic club, I have to pass. If it tells you that everyone else is going to hell, I have to pass. If it tells you that Nelson Mandela and Ghandi and Mother Teresa are going to hell, I have to pass. If it tells you that you can treat others poorly and you will be forgiven by your words of faith and that your actions are not accountable, I have to pass.

Does your religion tell you that a person who doesn't believe in god can't be good? Does your religion say that Albert Schweitzer and Einstein and Galileo and Jonas Salk will go to Hell, but Josef Mengele can go to Heaven because he says he accepts Jesus Christ as his Lord and Savior? Pass.

I always come back to these questions because I believe in God, but I also believe, in my truest heart, that doing the right thing and caring about and treating others well has everything to do with the Golden Rule and nothing to do with God. It's about doing the right thing not because God will reward you for doing it, or because you are afraid of burning in hell if you dont do it. It's about doing the right thing simply because--it's the right thing to do. And that has everthing to do with being a human being and recognising that we all are human beings, and nothing to do with God.

Plato figured this out 2000 years ago in the Euthyphro--why dont you?
If you think holy=loved by god you just don't get it.
"What is loved by the gods is not, then, identical to what is holy, Euthyphro; nor does holy mean god-beloved, as you maintain; these are distinct things."
Have you done anything lately that might just have pissed God off? Maybe you are loving God right now, but he is shaking his finger at you? Maybe getting into Heaven is like Monopoly - you can buy all of the hotels, but you didn't pass GO. You don't get $200. And that $200 is what you needed to get into God's good graces?

I guess the real question today is not do you love God, but does God love you?

I think if there is a God we are at the 'working things out' stage in our relationship.