Gone... but not forgotten.
Last night Anu came to me in a dream.
It was the anniversary of my brother's death and I think she wanted to give me a special message. The kind of message that needs no words. She did not speak. As happens in dreams, she did not need to.
I dreamt that I was standing alone on a beach. The sun was shining and it was warm. Not hot, but comfortably warm. The sun was as bright as a noon day sun, but it hung low over the water like at sunset.
I remember looking down at my toes and seeing individual grains of sand on my feet. Each grain of sand sparkled like they were made of diamonds. As I walked along the beach I watched as they slid off my feet in surreal slow motion.
I saw Anu standing at water's edge. I couldn't see her face well because of the sun behind her. She was wearing some type of loose flowing white gown that wrapped around her body and it blew out away from her in a breeze. This breeze I knew was her own. I couldn't feel it. Her long hair shone with many colors. Brown and black and red highlights. I remember staring at her hair in the dream, captured by the brilliant beauty of it.
She gestured for me to follow her.
I followed her as she walked towards the sea, she didn't turn back to look at me until she reached the waters edge. Then she stopped, turned to me and smiled. A special smile; one that was full of peace and compassion and also a bit mischievous, like someone about to share a wonderful secret.
She began to walk into the water then. Again everything seemed to be moving in slow motion. I watched as the water lapped at the hem of her gown, then as it moved up until she was waist deep. I reached the waters edge then and she turned to me again. With that same smile on her face.
I knew then that I could not follow her. I wasn't ready to go where she was going, but I knew that she was sending me a message that where she was going was a wonderful magical place. A place of overwhelming beauty and love. A place that she looked forward to sharing with me when the time comes.
It was then that her message came clear, like a voice had whispered the words into the air and they had been carried to my ears on the breeze. She was telling me that when it was time she would come back for me. That she would take me to that special place with her. I remember thinking of my brother. Wondering why he wouldn't be the one coming to take me to that place, but no. My brother is in that place, he has his own special purpose there and he is waiting for me. He and I will be together always once I've crossed over, but she would be my guide out of darkness to that place of beauty and love.
I realized then that she had a special assignment in that place, she was chosen to be just such a guide. To come and lead her family, friends and acquaintances to this beach. To the water's edge. And then on. She told me that before I go there would be a period of utter darkness, but that I shouldn't have fear. I should just be patient and wait and she will come to get me. This was her message to me, delivered now, before the time comes, so that when she does come for me I will understand her purpose. And so that I will not be afraid in the darkness as I wait for her. She will come and deliver me to the people who love me.
And she and I will know and keep each other always after that.
She turned away again, walking out into the ocean. Her message delivered, she never looked back. I awoke just as the water level reached her shoulders.
The room was cold. Winter darkness was all around me. I put on my robe and went downstairs, the last glow of embers in the fireplace barely lit the room so I lit a couple of candles. I sat down on the couch and wrapped my throw blanket tightly around my shoulders.
I sat in the quiet and thought. I thought about the message that had been delivered to me. That sense of peace that had enveloped me when I was with her was with me still. I thought that I should have been feeling disappointed that it wouldn't be my brother who would come for me, but I had no such feeling. It just felt right. Right in more ways than I can express that she would be the one to come for me.
I wanted to write this dream because it needed to be shared. And also because I had a very specific thought when she expressed to me her assignment as a guide. That she would come for her family, friends and acquaintances. I thought... WDKY? And I had a feeling as though she brushed the thought away. Not to worry. I'm going to come for him.
Of course I am.
He already knows this.
In fact, my reason for doing so is something of a sad one... believe it or not, tomorrow mark's the first anniversary of Anu's death and I just felt that I couldn't let it pass without a word or two. ~WDKY