Wednesday, February 8

Rules for commenting in the Forbidden Zone

    Get your hands off my blog you d@mned dirty apes!

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      Welcome to the bi-annual, semi-simian, american anthropoid meeting of the Swirling Monkey's Babble Study Group.

      The rules for this revival have been firmly set forth as follows:

      1) You are required to comment only in Turret Zpeak as described in our invite to David. *Who has in no way agreed to be affiliated with us, but we don't care. We are apes, he is human. We will give him the hose if he dares to argue. Nothing worse than an uppity human.*

      Like this:
      I would f*ck sh!t h&ll love to join your sh!t b!tch group.

      Right now I don't have a sl*t f*ck car. Can I n!pple @ss f*ck ride with you b!tch motherf*cker sh!t?

      * This rule was never approved by David, but we shall blame him anyway - because he is young, attractive and we have a sneaky suspicion that he can zpeak. Something we loathe in our humans.

      2) You must use zymbols in your Turret Zpeak, as in *&%$#@!!!.
      Like all good Christian blogger-apes we may well approve of saying curse words, but not in writing them. Oh H&ll NO! We will heretofor refer to this as the 'Jocelyn Loophole'. *Don't ask why. Just seems like an appropriate name for a loophole.*

      3) Please do not bite your neighbor.

      4) Please refrain from picking fleas from your neighbor during lectures. There's plenty of time for that during the Orangutan's Reception after the group study.

      5) Ants on sticks will be served after the meeting.
      *This is 'bring your own stick week', Do not bother thumping your fists on the floor or pounding your chest if you forgot your stick. Besides prehensile hands (and feet, you lucky apes) you were also blessed with four opposable thumbs (except Curious George who should never have been allowed into that bakery without the guidance of the Man in the Yellow Hat) and a higher-than-human IQ --there is no excuse for not remembering to pick up your stick and bring it with you.

      6) Please refrain from throwing poo until the guest speaker has finished his lecture. Anyone caught throwing poo during the lecture will be forcibly removed by the Gorillas and hosed in a 'human cage'.

      7) Members of the Army of the Twelve Monkeys are forbidden from attending lectures. There are only seven of them as you well know. We feel it is a poor reflection upon all primates that they cannot count.

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