Monday, December 6

A woman of contradictions


Once upon a time I wrote...
I did warn you that the sea reminds me of my own turbulent spirit. Inviting you to dive in one minute and slamming you against the rocks the next. Are you tough enough to weather the gales? Those violent storms?

Shakespeare wrote in 'As You Like It'
"They are in the very wrath of love, and they will together;
clubs cannot part them"

I'm a woman of contradictions. I wonder if you have the strength to bring me to my knees. Many have tried. Few have succeeded. Like water I slip from their cupped hands.

And now I am restless.

I sat tonight, candles glowing on the mantle, the moon, a shadowy orb, illuminating the night outside, and thought of this. What would it take to break through this shroud that has covered my mind with darkness? I miss the shipping forecast. I miss the dreams I had of traveling across dark waters to find my peace. I'm unable to find the words to make that connection again. I feel far from myself, the self I used to be. I want to lash out, to get in my car and drive until I'm in a place that holds none of the familiar bonds that are forcing me to be grounded.

And yet I long to be stopped. To be forced by your hands into unwilling submission. I want you prove to me that you'll never let go. To fight for me. I want to feel the leathery bond as you slip it around me, pronouncing your dominion over me.

I want you to make me feel alive again.


The shipping forecast for tonight...
There are warnings of gales in Viking North Utsire trafalgar Shannon Rockall Malin Hebrides Bailey Fair Isle Faeroes and Southeast Iceland.

Listen to the BBC Shipping Forecast with me.

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    13messages said...

    I'm always moved by your words.

    My best to you.

    MKL said...

    Wow, this is very deep... I'm stunned. It made me think.

    WDKY said...

    Hmmmm... what instinct is it, I wonder, that compels me to visit when I do?

    T x

    T said...

    13, that sounded like a kiss goodbye. Don't leave me baby! I know. I know. Seems like I'm not answering right? I get the emails through the phone. No way to reply. I promise it's not a brush off.

    I have limited email access for personal reasons ;) But I can come here! If you email me you should look for the response here.

    So here it is...
    Yes. I remember now. It was 'Epi'.
    I'm so glad you're still here!

    I can't answer emails now and no chatting at all-- but I can still visit you! And I intend to do that for as long as you'll have me.

    You can continue to email, i love reading them. It's frustrating for me not to be able to answer, so just know that I will respond here and hope you see it.


    T said...

    MKL, I have to be somewhat cryptic, but after you've been reading for a while you'll start to understand me better.

    Most of it is just being homesick for the ocean. Missing old friends. And just writing about how I'm feeling at the moment.
    More than anything I miss having someone around who just 'gets me'. You know?

    T said...

    WDKY, I was singing you to me.
    Just missing you I guess.

    I see your face almost every day and it makes the gypsy in my soul go crazy. I feel the urge to run. I long to feel the sea rise and fall under my feet. To stand beneath Eros and gaze up at his out-stretched wings.

    The shipping forecast does not look promising. So I'll just have to keep to my own rocky shore and look for better days ahead.

    WDKY said...

    But the truth is that I'm no farther away than I was before, and that I'm (still) always here for you.

    If only those winds would let up...

    T said...

    WDKY, I'm so ready to set my body in motion.

    I keep wondering about your B?