Saturday, August 26

Letting Go

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    I don't care who's wrong or right
    I don't really wanna fight no more
    Don't care now who's to blame
    I don't really wanna fight no more
    (This is time for letting go)

    Tina Turner

    Sometimes things happen in life that make you take a long hard look at yourself. Sometimes we are confronted with the evidence of our own flaws.

    I've recently had to take a step back and re-evaluate where I am in life. How close I am to becoming the woman I have always thought I would become.

    I must say that it was difficult, in being truly honest with myself I not only had to see my own flaws, but in this realization I also had to accept that there are things within myself that I must work to change. I realized that I still have a lot to learn, I still have a lot of growing to do as a human being. That I still have a long journey ahead and, in order to continue it with grace and dignity, I still have a lot of work to do.

    I have seen my own words laid out before me. Words that have unfurled from my own tongue have brought me to my knees as I saw the proof of my own hurtful nature. This was wrenching to my soul. To see, as an outside observer, the hurt that I can cause. This power to hurt is not something I have ever wanted.

    As Adrian Mitchell wrote in 'To Whom it May Concern'
    "I was run over by the truth one day.
    Ever since the accident I've walked this way."

    Life is a journey. There is still plenty of time left to fix the things within myself that I see as damaged, there is always enough time to think before I speak, to measure my words a bit more carefully, to ask the questions even though I may fear the honest answers.

    Life is sacred. And every person who passes through mine has some place in it. Whether it be good or bad, every experience is an opportunity to grow. I must learn to appreciate all of the things that touch my life as part of my journey.

    Down, down, down into the darkness of the grave,
    Gently they go, the beautiful, the tender, the kind;
    Quietly they go, the intelligent, the witty, the brave.

    Edna St. Vincent Millay

    All that will be remembered of me when I have gone to dust will not be how well others have treated me, but how well I have treated others. And that is where my road is forked. A time for new choices to be made. How to continue this journey in a way that brings me peace and serenity within myself.

    The first step for me is letting go.

    What will survive of us is love.
    -- Philip Larkin