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Friday, October 16

Shakespeare for Telemarketers

Featured Blog: Fizzle and Pop

Collin is one of my oldest blogging buddies. We also worked together on the Fizzle and Pop Writing Forum a few years ago. A project that was a blast to be a part of, but extremely time consuming to moderate -- it ended with a fizzle and no pop.

That may have been my fault. I was moderating at the time and the last writing challenge ended with people wondering in comments if I was dead. And I was. Okay. No I wasn't. But don't tell them that. They might want their burial donations back.

So we never got to the voting stage on the last challenge. And now the writing forum stands as a memorial to the community of brilliant, witty writers who once played there. We may still have links on sites like a Harley Davidson shop who apparently thought their visitors would like the Motorcycles Vs Carousel Horses discussion. And the pet store who must have thought that when Collin wrote about 'petting his chinchilla' he actually meant a real chinchilla. I'm sure their visitors must get a kick out of it when they read and realize what he was actually talking about. Unfortunately this has become a Members Only section with a note from Collin:
These are games that are open to members only.
Because they're dirty and stuff.
The games.
Not the members.

I told you he was funny.

I was reading a post on the beefjerky blog on 101 Creative Ways to deal with telemarketers.
* Tell them you have that stuff for sale that they've always wanted, but this time it's gonna cost them. If they ask what stuff, tell them 'you know the stuff i'm talking about'

That made me laugh.

Then I read The Job Search Continues by Collin...

I came across a posting for "Phone Actors & Actresses"... I'm thinking "Sex Line." That, or perhaps they call up people and do Macbeth at them until they're paid to stop.

*ring*ring*

"Hello?"

"And oftentimes, to win us to our harm, The instruments of darkness tell us truths, Win us with honest trifles, to betray's In deepest consequence."

*click*


I thought to myself that perhaps if you combine the two...
Shakespeare For Telemarketers.

William Shakespeare

You might actually have a real solution to the telemarketer problem. I would recommend that you memorize some Richard III and recite it in a loud, obnoxious, Shakespearean voice. Think Lawrence Olivier... only louder and roll your rrrrrrrrrs longer.

Foul devil, for God's sake, hence, and trouble us not;
For thou hast made the happy earth thy hell,
Fill'd it with cursing cries and deep exclaims.
If thou delight to view thy heinous deeds,
Behold this pattern of thy butcheries
...

Do not be detered from your speech no matter what they say on the other end of the line. This is war! You must bring them to their knees.


I hope you enjoy a visit to Collin's blog.
He's a brilliant, witty writer.

    10 comments:

    Another Suburban Mom said...

    I would actually listen to a Shakespeare telemarketer.

    I will be checking out your friend's blog.

    wifegonebad said...

    I think I'll print this out and read it the next time a telemarketer calls! Too funny!

    autumn said...

    T, you write so well. i really enjoyed this post and am smiling big right now. i will check out the blog.

    T - Another Geek Girl said...

    ASM. Come to think of it I would as well. Maybe we could play Name That Shakespeare?

    Maybe we could just tell them we're dead? That worked for me in the past.

    T - Another Geek Girl said...

    Wifey, Perhaps we could just record it and hit play when they call? I wonder how long it would take them to realize that it's not a real person.

    T - Another Geek Girl said...

    Autumn, Glad you like it!
    You make me smile too babycakes ;)

    mellow roc said...

    Hi, work from home and having one of those days when curiosity of what or who is out "there" is getting the better of me. Have been on the do not call registry for perhaps too long, and occasionally find myself who is the .... behind the spam, the telemarketer pitch, perhaps borne out of a wish that all human beings were good and above board but looking at the news can remind one, not so every place, everywhere, every time. One time, a telemarketer called and I recgonized her voice from 2 or 3 days before, hmmmm. She didn't call again.. Well, time for a deep breath and back to working from home. My blog is http://graftedinandonthejourney.blogspot.com, "religious" and "thought provoking" in nature, perhaps encouraging too. Write me back, a hello will suffice. * David (Mellow Roc)

    MP said...

    What a dazzling thing to do! But if I had a Shakepearean telemarketer on the line, I'd want to reply as poor old Hamlet, or maybe Titus A and go medieval on there ass. (Actually, I tell 'em I'm dead, too. Sometimes I think I am, symbolically, dead from 4 - 8pm every day, which is the telemarketing bewitching hour.

    Rohfun All in One Page Office Site said...

    hello
    great post i like, thanks for share
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    from www.rohfun.com/blog

    rage said...

    Brilliant!