I will never forget you. See? Upon the palms of my hands I have written your name.
This is the second time we've had to celebrate your birthday without you here.
I miss you little brother.
Our family just isn't the same without you.
It seems so much smaller.
If you were here with me today I would take your hand in mine and tell you how much you mean to me. How I still think of you every day. How much I wish I could pick up the phone and hear your voice on the other end of the line.
It has been a year and a half since you were taken from me, but still I can hear your voice in my ear just as clearly as if you were in the room with me.
Your laughter still rings in my ear so clearly... as if I had only just heard it yesterday.
The redbird you have chosen as your earth bound form has visited us all.
It has been a soothing presence to look outside the window and see you sitting there, watching over us.
From the first day that the redbird walked up to mom and dad's door and began tapping on the glass we have felt your presence with us. And what a wonderful greeting on the first morning after their move back into the 'old' house to see the very same redbird sitting on the patio, sending a message that where ever they are... you are there too. They could sense that you were happy that they finally went back 'home'. For that house is surely the one we all think of as home.
The redbird came and perched on our patio table this morning.
I guess you must have heard me crying in the dark last night.
I wonder... is that you in your chosen earth-bound form? Come to watch over us?
Or is it simply your chosen messenger? Sent to let us know we are never alone? That you are never far from us?
I want to say more to you... I have so many words, but for now I cannot stop the tears from flowing and my heart aching from missing you. I had the most difficult time just making myself get up and get dressed today. Facing this beautiful sunny day has been a terrible challenge.
I miss you so much I can barely breathe.
Long is the way and hard, that out of darkness leads to light ...
Milton (Paradise Lost)
Out of context I know, but still these words haunt my thoughts.
I am listening to 'Live Like You Were Dying' by Tim Mcgraw, letting the tears flow. Crying like a girl.
It is not lost on me how hard you would be laughing at me right now for being such a sissy wimp.
Peace Up ATown
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