Tuesday, March 07, 2006


In the beginning there was only Chaos, vast and dark.
Chaos, the gaping void. The mother of all that would come after her.
Then Erebus, the father of the night skies.
He brought forth day.
And Eros, to soften hearts and bend the will of men.
He brought divine order and perfected all things.
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It is my natural state this chaos. The situation where everything began and I feel more and more that it pulls at me harder than all other forces. And it restrains me also. Keeping me bound in a way that prevents me from wandering as I would like to wander.

Someone said this to me recently..
Days, weeks, months, years. And compared to the billions of years in which the cosmos has been evolving, it's really just the blink of an eye. I wonder why it all seems so fraught sometimes... we look for purpose in everything, instead of just... being.

Don't you think?

And I was pulled to that place once again.
That place of wondering about my own satisfaction.
I sat and read on the couch, the light from the fire warming me whilst I buried myself in the words on the page.

And Zeus had conquered the Titans and so the Olympians had come to power.
And when Zeus learned that the child his wife Metis carried in her womb would grow to be more powerful than himself he swallowed Metis to prevent the childs birth. But it caused him so much physical distress that Hephaestus split his head open with an axe and out sprang Athene, 'fully armed and brandishing a sharp javelin.’

Great Olympus was profoundly shaken by the dash and impetuosity of the bright-eyed goddess. The Earth echoed with a terrible sound, the sea trembled and its dark waves rose.

And this coincided with disturbances on Jupiter - the pull of the heavens upon the lives of mortals - and so I began to think that therein lies the truth. That growth is often foreshadowed by great chaos.
That this is the impetus to forward motion.
And I feel myself flung about. And all I want is a safe place to lay my head and rest a bit. This does not seem to be possible right now however. Everything in my life right now is contrived, strategized, formulated in such a way that it leaves me feeling pulled upon.
Stretched and thin.
Barely breathing.
And there is no end in sight to my ambiguity.

To be as Athene and burst forth thusly?
Ready to do battle? Prepared before birth to conquer.
Or to sit captive to the forces of nature?
To see what the Gods have in mind for me?

Can I let go that long?

Posted by Tricia :: 11:45:00 PM :: |

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