ONE BRICK SHY

  *** Philia

Aristotle described 'philia' (τὸ φιλεῖn) as:
"wanting for someone what one thinks good, for his sake and not for one's own, and being inclined, so far as one can, to do such things for him" (1380b36–1381a2)
fellow-voyagers and fellow-soldiers (1159b28)
lifelong friends (1156b12)

This post is dedicated to my lifelong friend and fellow-voyager O.
Because tonight I cannot help but be reminded of how very much you mean to me. And how precious it is to find in this world someone whose spirit fits you as if they were made of your own skin.

The one who will hold your hair out of the way when you throw up.
The one who will not tell you that you have toilet paper stuck to your shoe, but will point it out to complete strangers so that they can laugh at you too.
The one who won't wipe the bottle before drinking after you.
The one who will let you use her toothbrush because you stayed up all night drinking and dancing to Abba songs-- and are now late for work.
The one whose humor is a perfect match for your own.
The one who thinks that Champagne straight from the bottle at 9:30 in the morning is a perfectly lovely way to start your vacation.


Of everything that I have ever hoped and dreamed for my daughter; love, happiness, self-confidence, wisdom, and a hunger for personal growth, I think the thing I have hoped above all else is for her to have a friend-- at least one, who shares a bond with her that is unfathomable to most in its depth and selflessness. A soulmate and kindred spirit who matches her own vivacious and courageous lust for fun and life. In this we have both been very fortunate. Finding our most satisfying and selfless love in deep friendships.

I know my writing now may sound rather light-hearted--
but it is not.

I am writing now with tears kissing my eyelashes and a sense of juxtaposition that I never thought possible. I am in mourning. Mourning for my daughter, and for another mother who will not be able to kiss her daughter goodnight tonight.

Cheyenne has lost her 'philia'. Her O.

She was just here in this house with us yesterday.
Cheyenne spent the night with her and they stayed up late into the night laughing, talking about boys and taking pictures. As I look through those pictures tonight what I see breaks my heart. I see that girl who was a perfect match for my own daughter in her wit and absolute love of life-- and fun. They were positively raucous when they were together.



She passed last night in the kitchen of her parents home.
Heart failure. The paramedics could not revive her.
She was 16 years old.

I have spent this day trying to console Cheyenne. That has not been possible.
I understand that well. I don't imagine she'll be all right for quite some time.

We're helping the parents, bringing them food, helping to set up bulletins and map quests for the funeral and viewing. I'm arranging a candlelight memorial for her friends to attend also, they are so lost right now and hurting, I thought a time and place for all of the teenagers to come together from their various Highschools would give them an opportunity to help one another and share their grief.

Tonight I'm creating photo albums and Guestbooks for her friends to leave messages for her and for her family. I've been working with Cheyenne also to make video montages for her friends to use on MySpace. That seems to be where they're all congregating right now. The messages they've been sending to her and her family, to Cheyenne, to one other... even to me, have made me realize just how virtually interconnected their young world is. I watch them write their pain and console one another. All of them trying, as we are, to find comfort and give comfort too. Knowing that these are only teenagers. And that they are far too young to have acquired the long-sightedness that allows us to survive and move forward when the world comes crashing down makes it all the more heart-wrenching. There is no phrase that we adults use in times like this that doesn't ring hollow, and shallow, and useless.

Cheyenne is now sleeping on the couch in the room with me. Her face is like an angel. I haven't been able to help myself, but get up from time to time to tuck the blanket more tightly around her and kiss her forehead. I smell her hair, that clean, shampoo-fresh smell that always wafts into the room two steps ahead of her. I can't help but think of another mother who must be longing to hold her daughter just one more time tonight. I can't stop remembering holding that mother in my arms this evening as her body was wracked with pain and grief. It was the kind of sobbing that left my own body vibrating long after I had let her go. I can still feel it now, that phantom body against my chest, as if her pain has rubbed off on me and into me.

Chey has cried herself to exhaustion. Working on the montages meant looking through photos of the two of them that were so hilarious and goofy that we both couldn't help but break out in laughter-- and then break down into tears for all that will not be. I am only hoping that she'll sleep through the night, but I know that is unlikely. For now I'll let her sleep and work on the montages and photoalbums alone.

We'll share their 'friendship montage' on Thursday.
Until then, please forgive my absence from the blog and visiting whilst I take care of matters that won't wait.

And to O...
Thank you for being there for me and being there for Chey also.
I am grateful every day that you are a part of my world.
My philia.

Labels: Mourning

  *** HNT - Patience

See the man Osbasso

Labels: HNT

  *** Where The Wild Things Are - HNT

My sister and I enjoying an the afternoon at my favorite bar - Starbucks!
I'm turning into such a mocha-holic.


I just got off the phone a short while ago with an old friend. We hadn't spoken in quite some time. The last time we spoke things weren't going so well for us. Not so much that we were having a problem as that we were both caught up in all the drama that comes with being part of the world wide wicked web.

Still, I did feel a little awkward as I sat through the rings waiting for her to pick up. I wasn't even exactly sure what to say to her. Where to start. So much time has gone by that I had almost forgotten what her voice sounds like. It was almost a shock when she answered. Hearing that familiar voice gave me a feeling much like deja vu. Or like returning to a place you loved as a child.

She was so glad to hear from me! I had imagined awkward silences as we struggled to regain our balance again, but there was none of that. We fell right into chatter, catching up, talking about things that had happened in the past and also things that are going on now. It felt as if no time had passed at all.

I'm glad I made that call now. I'm relieved that we have been able to make that connection again. I've missed her so much. I didn't even realize it until I was on the phone listening as she told me of her latest adventures. I think what I missed most about her is that she loves me. She just does. You can hear it in her voice. The way she laughs when I'm being a smartass. The way she listens so intently to the struggles I've been going through.

Before we hung up she said, 'God, I've missed talking to you.'
And I knew she meant it.
I can't begin to explain the wonderful feeling it gave me inside. Like something that has been missing has been found once more.

I guess we're all a bit like Max in 'Where the Wild Things Are'... We all just want to be where someone loves us best of all.


So here's to old friends, and bonds that bend but never quite break.
And to those people who make us feel absolutely witty and brilliant. Because they bring out the best in us.


And speaking of witty and brilliant...
The gorgeous Viviane has finished moving The Sex Carnival to its new dot com home. I know you're staring longingly at that link. I know you want to click it SO bad! Now come on... you know it's not work safe! But it's just so damned hard to resist. Just one little peek. I know you're probably cursing me for teasing you like this. But what's life without a little temptation?
All I can say is that I looked--
and it was good.
Really Good.

And the Lovely Lil Bit gave me a 'Rockin' Girl Blogger' award. It's sitting on my mantlepiece right now. Thank you so much sweetheart!

This week it will spawn five new 'Rockin' Girl Bloggers'... stay tuned to see my picks.

HHNT to you all!
See The Man!

Labels: HNT, Rockin Girl Blogger, The Sex Carnival

  *** Naked Truth or Indecent Theory?

Today when I opened up my yahoo account I found confirmation inside of what I, and many others, had long suspected.


Yeti? The Loch Ness Monster?
No...
Something far more nefarious and ominous I'm afraid.

The Naked Truth


 
 

Labels: Naked Truth

  *** Vamp!

The bath has been run, towels warmed and set aside. I lay immersed, my body glowing with electric heat as I hear his movements in the bedroom, the anticipation growing. I climb from the tub and dry myself. Walking into the bedroom I find them there waiting for me. Laid out with hands that know anticipation as great as my own. I drop my towel where I stand and move to the bed. I see then, his need for me.

Black. Lace. Garters.



Hands moving over me. I feel his need.
He is insatiable. His desire for me knows no contentment.
The need is a vacuous space begging to be filled. A void that screams angrily at its privation. Hunger that grows with each taste, each delicious nibble, until it becomes more insatiable with every tantalizing bite. Then it is. Ravenous. That something unfulfilled in the darkness of our long night.

Tonight is his choice.
Whatever he desires.
He will be fulfilled.

Every woman should look upon herself as a work of art, unfinished, unmolded.

At the start of every day, at the beginning of the evening, she is recreated. Women are creatures of diversity. We crave romance and creativity in our love lives. The one thing I think we all have in common is some need to feel sexy, to feel desired, and desirable.

I went searching through the toy stores and on-line catalogues for negligees and other delicious wearables that I thought might bring a little excitement to the bedroom. My biggest disappointment was that most of these stores use waif-like models to peddle their wares and, honestly, I'm a busty girl with a full figure to match. I wanted to see what naughty things look like on 'normal' women. I always check here first because they use models with different body types.




Personally I have found that the best way to get what I want is to take him with me. There is something incredibly erotic about wandering the aisles of a store, fingers touching lace and feathers, asking him what he likes. Sharing those things that turn him on is as important as finding the things that I like. And in truth I always get more when he goes with me. Once he has helped me pick out the outfits he likes, especially if I've had a chance to model them for him, I have found that cost is no obstacle when his libido is kicked into high gear.

Then I let him choose what I'll wear for him.
After all, this was shopping with purpose. Just whisper in his ear 'I'm going to go take a hot shower. You come pick out what you like and leave it on the bed for me. Tonight I'm all yours.'

Here's a great site to fill your head with fun ideas for fetish and fantasy.
trashy.com


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Labels: Intimacy, Lingerie, lovers, Relationships, Romance